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2: Get a designated driver. If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, use this option as a bribe for other, uh, favors... 3: Drink hard, and crash hard (at the same place). Who knows, your buddies might give you some lovin', or at least you can rent some at the adult movie store and watch it. 4: Always wear a condom! Oh...wait a minute, wrong public service announcement. Sorry, my bad. 5: Have a party at your own house. Think about it! You don't have to go anywhere! Wow, sometimes I amaze myself at my incredible genius. |
Drinking and Driving Sucks
Let us start off by saying that, although you've heard it a million times before, drinking and driving is not a good idea. In fact, it is a very bad idea. How bad? Well, because we here at the Beer Society are about as credible as mexican cops, we have invited a few guest speakers to tell you themselves how stupid driving while intoxicated is. Please welcome Dr. Evil and his quasi-evil son, Scott Evil.
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The Evils Tell All:Don't Drink and Drive |
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The Beer Society: First off guys, we'd like to thank you for taking time out of your busy world domination schedule to talk with us for our web page. Dr. Evil: The pleasure is most definitely mine. Moo Hoo hoo haa ha aha aha! Moo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha! Scott Evil: Now there you go again dad, always trying to scare the interviewers. Damn it, why the frick do you even agree to do these things? |
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 Is that a bottle in Jonathan's pocket or is he just happy to see Craig? |
SE: But... Dr. E: Shhh! SE: Aw, don't start this ag... Dr. E: I once knew a man named SHHH! SE Oh, you are so lame... Dr. E: www.SHHHH!.com BS: Ahem, hello? The interview?! |
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Dr. E: Oh, yes, carry on. BS: So where did you first learn that drinking and driving is an irresponsible thing to do? Dr. E: My mother, a web-footed French prostitute named Chloe, drove it into my evil skull at a tender young age. It was at about this time she taught me wonders of a freshly shorn scrotum as well. SE: Oh, that is sick. No wonder I'm so apathetic and screwed up! BS: Well, you must admit, there really is nothing quite like it. |
 In this condition Jonathan couldn't get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a barrel full of bananas! |
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Dr. E: Yes, that is true. Scott, perhaps you should try it. My protege, Mini Me, also has a cleanly shaven scrotum. For the record, he is a 1/8th replica of me in EVERY way. However, he does pack a lot of evil into a tiny package. BS: Alright, thanks you guys for your help in telling the world that Drinking and Driving is not the cool thing to do. Any closing statements? SE: Drink and Driving, like my dad, SUCKS! Dr. E Scott, you are going to be punished. Mustafa! Take him away. As for the world, driving while under the influence is not a prudent strategy. It is too evil, even for me... |